#1: An interesting idea -Harness iPod's dollar power －－ porn on the go (541 reads) 作者: Tom12, 来自: US时间: 2005-10-22 周六, 00:24 — 作者：Tom12 在 海归商务 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
I am the first. At least, I am the first I know of to think of this idea at this very moment in time, in this exact space, which you are right now reading, given that I'm quite sure that the very minute Apple announced its sexy, delicious new video-capable iPod, roughly 5 million people －－ and most of them men －－ simultaneously thought of it too.
No matter. I shall henceforth argue that I was one of the first to think of turning my genius iPod porn idea into an instant company, writing up a business plan and hiring a programmer and a team of lawyers and investing a wad of someone else's VC cash into renting a stack of servers and outsourcing my tech support to Bangalore, India, because, oh my God, the idea is just right there, ripe and waiting, and I could sure use the millions of dollars I would surely make in one single month.
IPod porn. The time has come. The idea is brilliantly, geniusly simple.
Here it is: The new iPod, as the world now knows, plays video. You can download reformatted music videos, scaled-down episodes of "Lost" and "Desperate Housewives," some Pixar shorts and a couple of weird teen shows you've never heard of, and you only pay 2 bucks apiece for the privilege, which, apparently, some people are actually doing because God knows you can't have enough 1-inch-high Eva Longorias in bad black negligees.
Apple being Apple, this advance has been hailed as either the Second Coming of television, the Innovation That Will Change Everything, or it's a resounding thud, a remains-to-be-seen microadvance in excessive gizmo fetishism that most people beyond TiVo-addicted media fanatics won't care much about because, after all, who the hell wants to pay for some old show on a 2.5-inch screen? Isn't that why God invented 100-inch plasma TVs and cheap DVD players and laziness and beer? Damn right.
Did you already figure it out? Of course you did. Porn is the answer. Porn will make it all happen. I only want my $50 mil finder's fee.
Here is how my business will work: Make a sweet deal with numerous porn video creators. Repurpose their movies for play on the new iPod by encoding individual sex scenes in the iPod's standard H.264 video, 768 Kbps, 320x240 hi-res LCD format. Make these scenes available for Internet download at a buck or 2 apiece, just like the iTunes Music Store, only kinkier and slipperier and more appealing to guilt-addled Christians from Texas and Arkansas. Add sections for amateur couples to send in their homemade videos. Add sections for the tragically neglected arena of hot porn for women. Add sections for Republican ankle fetishists. You get the idea.
That's it. Voila, instant millionaire I am. Can't you just taste it? I sure can. And what's more, I shall donate the first $30 million of my profits to create true, juicy sex-ed classes for Bush-ravaged, GOP-numbed classrooms across America. This is my plan.
I know it will work. The precedents are all in place. You already know that sex and porn drove much of the innovation and evolution of the Internet itself, yes? The porn industry, more than Napster and more than online gaming and more than Amazon, made the Internet what you lust after today.
Widespread broadband access? Secure online shopping? Monthly online subscriptions? Downloading and video streaming and Webcam technology? Thank the porn biz for driving the innovation and evolution of it all, baby. And now, the next wave. Porn to go. As my pal and best-selling sex authoress Violet Blue will tell you, sexual podcasts do a huge business. I'm sure she'll agree: This Is a Sure Thing.
Oh, you might scream and wail, "What American male in his right mind would care to watch his beloved smut on such a tiny screen when the aforementioned TVs and DVDs can easily handle the task at much higher quality? What business traveler would care to load up his tiny iPod with 15-minute hunks of 'Weapons of Ass Destruction IV' when every hotel offers a wide array of pay-per-view porn on the in-house TV?"
Silly questions, all. Think about it. The video iPod is the ideal companion. The perfect secret titillation device. You do not need any extra gear. You need no space, no PC, no TV, no DVDs －－ nothing whatsoever. Ever seen pay-per-view hotel porn? Twelve bucks a pop and you can't rewind and the ｓｅｌｅｃｔion is just awful, and, afterward, you feel slightly soiled and creepy and you gotta explain the charge on your hotel bill. It's all so very 1994.
This is the biggest selling point of all: infinite portability, combined with near-perfect privacy. It will be the businessman's friend. The traveler's dream. The college student's beloved late-night study pal. Take it camping. Take it to the office restroom. Watch it on awkward family vacations, in the airplane bathroom, in church. No longer are you saddled with a TV or PC. No longer must you fuss with DVDs and bulky porno-riffic gear. Rejoice.
Oh, do not mention screen size. Do not dare suggest that men will balk at watching hot sex on such a tiny display. It has been proved over 5 million years of intensive study that men can become aroused at sexual images the size of a speck of dust from 50 feet away. You know it's true.
Men can produce lust for blurry, black-and-white, postage-stamp-size photos of seminaked women taken in 1966. Men can become aroused looking at a nipple-shaped amoeba through a microscope. Hell, we get turned on by cool hubcaps. Trust me when I say the iPod's screen will be more than sufficient. As for women, well, what the iPod screen lacks in scale, it makes up for in sensual, tactile design. After all, it's not size, it's how you use it. Right? Right?
So why am I telling you all this? Why share my Genius Idea with the world? Well, because I can't do it. I have not the means. What's more, despite my rampantly pro-sex attitude, I am not exactly eager to yoke my soul to the greasy lowbrow porn machine. What will my parents think? Who will save the children? What happens when I run for political office? Plus, I'm way too busy procrastinating on writing a novel.
So then, I am offering to give my Genius Idea away, to you, to anyone who wants it, as a boon to the world, as an offering to the pro-sex gods (I will, however, accept any sort of seven-figure finder's fee when you become a millionaire from my idea).
Porncasting is now. Porncasting is a must. After all, someone has to counter the scary prospect of all those video iPod religious sermons. Shudder.
